Who Am I?

Since I retired and moved back to central New York, I feel like I’ve “lost my edge” and blamed it on not working full-time. In retrospect, the combination of adjusting to retirement, relocating, and rediscovering myself simultaneously all added to my confusion. I spent so many years just trying to get by and make my way in the world that I suppressed my own needs and inclinations. Now that I have the space, time, and freedom to be myself, I realize how much pressure and anxiety I experienced trying to fit in and feel acceptable to others and in the world. As I learn about neurodivergency and realize I fall on the spectrum, it makes sense that I feel different now - in some ways less capable and energetic, but also more peaceful and relieved. 

It’s a process that continues to unfold and evolve as I learn more about myself and what works for me. As I give myself more compassion, I judge myself less and accept myself more, and value what I am as I am. I also find myself surrounded by more like-minded and kind people. 

The abuse I’ve experienced in the workplace and relationships, while inexcusable, makes more sense as I become aware of my differences. It’s sad and disturbing that some people take advantage of those with high sensitivity, empathy, and naivety, yet this seems to be consistent and prevalent among those who are neurodivergent. I don’t view my differences as a disorder; rather, I believe the world would be a better place with more of us in it.